32 is 23 turned around. When I turned 23 I just left Indonesia to go via Malaysia, Combodia and Nepal to India. Traveling on my birthday felt like a real adventure. I was sure I was going to get married after my travel to India. Turning 23 was a new beginning with a travel to India and a wedding after I would come back from that travel. I did not realize an ending would follow this new beginning. I would brake up from the boyfriend I was seeing for the last one and half year and the plan to get married after I would come back from my trip was no longer a plan. With this ending came another beginning the one of freedom and getting to know the world and myself again.

Now my birthday turning 32, I am again going on a trip, flying on my birthday to the holy land. No, not the holy land India, but this time the holy land Israel. The only difference from going to India is that now it feels like an ending. I have been cleaning out my house, my wardrobe, gave away, trew out and let go of lots of stuff and I have been cleaning and clearing myself. I have been in this transition phase for a while now. Got to know myself in so many different ways, letting go of so many different things. Friendships finished new once started. An ending of old patterns, an ending in which I got to let go of so much of my old self and patterns that are no longer of any use. However, every ending also has a new beginning. This one is of a new adventure; studying in Tel Aviv University for 3 months. What I might not realize now is that with this new beginning there might be more endings around the corner. Would it be possible that my life as a single woman might end here? I have been single for the last 5 years, who knows what is to happen now. I am not sure and definitely not convinced. For right now I can only see as much as this moment, and I surely only feel and be in this moment.

Leaving Indonesia for India I was sure I would get married after my journey. Booking my flight to leave Amsterdam for Tel Aviv I was sure I would stay single forever. Only this last week I really intensely feel that I don't know anything, and I love that feeling, bringing me in the moment. Only experiencing this moment makes any moment so much more an adventure. I guess you can never know what will happen. Not knowing what will happen opens up a thousand and one possibilities. That's the beauty of life. You can think, imagine, dream and try to picture all the different options possible. There is always one option more however. Life can be so much more satisfying when there is no more need to figure out what the future might look like. Why wont we let ourselves be surprised with what will come. That way we receive a gift every new day. Or better said a new gift every day.

That's where I say out loud a true HAPPY birthday to myself!!!